Dear Mommy Friend,

When I initially left my job to stay at home I thought I totally had this stay at home thing.  I envisioned my weeks filled with picnics in the park and playdates with tons of mommy friends.  The reality came crashing down.  The mommy friends never came.  I signed my daughter up for park district classes, swim lessons, and library story times.  It felt like high school all over again.  I even joined a mommy Meetup and left crying because I couldn’t talk to one person while my daughter ran in circles the whole time.  That rejection a week later was anticipated, but stung a little.  My cousin, who had found a mommy play group that way in her area asked, ‘Does that happen?’.

Fast forward two years and my daughter not only qualified for the Early Intervention therapy program, but was diagnosed with a speech delay, and the word sensory was being thrown around.  My life revolved around four therapists at my house six times a week and researching/investing in everything they suggested to help my daughter.

When my daughter entered preschool I decided we needed one activity a week that was noneducational or therapy-related.  I found a ballet school that was taught by an occupational therapist.  To say I was a wreck was an understatement.  With my daughter’s speech delay I always felt like I needed to speak for her.  I felt like she wasn’t connecting to the other children and even the parents with her lack of communication.  Regardless, she stuck with the class for a year and is currently in the same class again this year.

D’s speech got better and she caught up to other kids.  She started having more interactions with the girls in class.  We also chatted during those classes.  You reminded me so much of my old work friends and maybe you saw a glimmer of the previous me.  The corporate chick that had her life together instead of this mom that had nothing figured out.  When you gave that birthday invitation to D for your daughter’s party the impact on her was huge.  I could see it in D’s face.  She felt accepted for once.  She talked about your daughter’s party for weeks and kept the invitation by her bed.

That invitation had an impact on me as well.  After four and half years of feeling isolated, I realized that I just wanted to know that D was going to be okay and accepted by other children.  D would beg for friends and it would break my heart.  I wanted D to be able to interact with other children and she was finally able to do that.

Since that birthday party, you had a baby and were on maternity leave from work.  You turned to the other ballet moms and asked ‘This stay-at-home thing is hard.  How can I be surrounded by a toddler, baby, and dogs, and still feel…?”.  I looked at you and said, “lonely.’  You said yes, and I asked if you wanted to have a playdate that week.


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I once read an article about a mother who became so busy with her son’s therapy and treatment that she stopped working out/taking care of herself for years.  The mother put every ounce of energy into making sure her son had the help he needed, and her needs were put on hold.

If I could find that article I would re-read as I can now relate.  When I read the article I (naively) couldn’t fathom not making time for something I loved.   Fast forward four years and I ended up in the same situation. Whey my daughter turned two and a half her therapy  became my main focus.  D was delayed in speech and displayed signs of sensory processing disorder.   At the time, we had five different therapy sessions in our house a week.

D is now four and half and thriving in preschool.  We still continue occupational therapy once a week and speech once a week.  D has sensory and auditory needs that still require assistance from therapy.  However, I almost cried the day her speech therapist said we may need to think about moving to every other week.  Her therapist said D is the model child for what therapy can do when started early and asked if I could talk to other moms that didn’t listen to her suggestions.  Yes, I cried a little.

When we started, I was told that therapy started at two is much easier than starting at an older age. I threw myself into whatever the therapists told me to do.  I researched websites on sensory processing disorder, ordered products/toys the therapists told me try, read books at night, and pretty much gave up any of my needs to help D thrive.

D started 4 year old preschool this year and her teacher said it’s completely different from last year.  She is talking nonstop and caught up for the most part.  This is such a relief and I feel like I can finally breathe.  However, I realized I had lost myself in the process.  I stopped working out, getting dressed up for the day, and doing anything for me.  I was lost.  We are expanding our family and expecting a baby boy in January.  I am thrilled, but a little terrified as well.

When I left my corporate job to go on maternity leave, I asked a coworker (naively) what I would do with all my spare time.  She looked at me and said, ‘start a blog and I’ll read it”.  I laughed at the time.  But as the four years went by and I lost contact with friends, I realized that a blog can capture these moments that go by too fast and give a glimpse into my life.  It’s a way to express yourself creatively through writing, photos, style, and more.  Also, I want to show other mommies that may be struggling like I did that there is hope.  Therefore, here we go.

Hope you enjoy and stay awhile.